Who I am

The “About Me” page gives you a glimpse of who I am today—a mom, a wife, an employee. But it doesn’t tell you how I got here. And it definitely doesn’t tell you what it took to survive the messy, complicated road that shaped me.

This is that story.

A Childhood Split in Two

I was born in the fall of 1985, which makes me almost 40 now. I’m the oldest of two—my brother came along two and a half years later. On the surface, our early childhood looked like the standard version of “normal” for the time: two married parents, a modest home, and a decent upbringing.

But when I was 10, my parents separated. By 15, their drawn-out, messy divorce was finalized. That experience shattered my idea of what marriage was supposed to be. It didn’t look like love. It looked like resentment, bitterness, and being caught in the middle.

My Father

After the split, my dad focused more on making money than being present. He moved 450 miles away, chasing opportunity and new experiences to share with us a few times a year. He’d visit when he could—sometimes every other weekend, sometimes not for months. We spent parts of our summers with him, maybe a week or two during school breaks.

By the time I turned 18, our relationship was distant and broken.

When I was 22, he moved closer—about four hours away—because his wife wanted to be near her family. We made a small attempt to reconnect in my late 20s, but today, at almost 40, we rarely speak. A few texts here and there. He visits me and my kids once or twice a year, but he doesn’t call. He doesn’t video chat. He doesn’t remember their birthdays.

And I’m not dragging my kids eight hours round-trip to visit someone who doesn’t even try. It’s not my job to force a relationship he isn’t willing to build.

My Mother

When I was 10, my mom shifted her focus, too—but toward finding a new partner. She told us often, “Someday you’ll grow up and leave, and I don’t want to be alone.”

From that point on, it was a revolving door of relationships. Some lasted weeks, some years. She did her best to provide what we needed, but she missed out on a lot. I kept my head down, did well in school, and mostly felt invisible. Like nothing I did was ever quite good enough.

Today, our relationship is completely different. We’ve repaired it. She’s with me and my kids every single day now, and nothing matters more to her than us. I wish it had been that way when I was a child—but if it had, I might not be who I am today.

Anxiety, Control, and Growing Up Fast

Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents gave me a deep need to be in control. I developed generalized anxiety early on—always chasing “enough,” never feeling like I measured up.

It’s gotten better as I’ve gotten older, but there are still days when my mind won’t shut off. Days when I have to remind myself: I am good enough. I am doing a good job. I have come a long way.

Meeting My Husband

I met my husband when I was 23. I had just ended a year-long relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious. Honestly, I thought he’d be a rebound—a fling between semesters.

But he was different. No matter what I said or did, he didn’t walk away. And even now—16 years later, 11 of those married—he still doesn’t let me push him away, even when things get hard. And they do get hard.

We both carry baggage. We both have scars. But we’re trying. He’s always had a drive to build something better: to be a great dad, to grow a career, and to create the kind of relationship we both want.

Careers, Chaos, and Stability

We started out living in a trailer. Bought our first home the year we got married. As our family grew, we upgraded again, and now we’re in our second house, slowly turning it into what we want.

When we started out, neither of us had careers. I had just graduated with my associate’s degree and was taking a semester off before finishing my bachelor’s. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. I took five years to finish school and settle into a career in accounting. He went to college, decided it wasn’t for him, and got his CDL instead.

He landed a trucking job, but it took him away for weeks at a time. Eventually he found something local—but after an injury and a year of recovery, he ended up back on the road for two more years. Finally, he changed industries, and now he’s home every night, building a retirement plan with a job that pays well and uses his CDL. It’s not his dream job, but it’s stable. He’s been there almost three years and plans to stay.

I’ve been with the same company for 11 years. It’s not glamorous, but it’s solid. I work hybrid, I get to be there for my kids, and my company actually respects work-life balance. I know how rare that is, and I don’t take it for granted.

The Road to Motherhood

We started trying for kids on our honeymoon. We had no idea what kind of journey we were in for. It took five years and multiple rounds of fertility treatments before we had our first child.

Twenty and a half months later, we had our second. Our third came along 38 months after that.

I’ll share more about our infertility journey in another post—it deserves its own space—but let’s just say: the road was long, hard, and full of heartbreak.

Why I’m Here

I grew up in a broken home, shaped by absentee parents and years of emotional neglect. It left me with anxiety, perfectionism, and a deep hunger to build something better for my own family.

I’ve been with my husband for 16 years. We’ve built a life, a home, and a family—three beautiful, wild kids that we love with everything we’ve got. We’re not perfect, but we’re trying.

This blog was born to share the highs and lows, the ordinary days, and the quiet chaos of being a mom, wife, and human just trying to hold it all together. If that’s you too, I hope this space makes you feel seen.

I’m in no way perfect—but I’ve survived a lot, and I’m still here, still trying.

And that’s who I am.